In the right direction

A chapter of my life has ended and a new one begins.

Home after 4 years, and wow, what a ride that was. I learned an unbelievable amount during university, not strictly about business either. The greatest knowledge I have gained is of myself; self-awareness and a bit of wisdom to go along with it. I finally know what I want, after years of searching blind and stumbling all over the place.

I know where I belong, and what work I was born to do.

He turns the page
The bright lit stage
Unveils and plays begin

It is time to jump right into the mix. In order not to lose the momentum generated by the conclusion of my education, I must set my course accurately. So far, it seems I'm off to a good start. This summer, and perhaps the rest of this year will be devoted to building a good basis for the rest of my life. I will become self-sustaining, self-motivated, and self-fulfilling in these four areas of my life:

1. Get in amazing Physical Shape


2. Dive into Animation & Art


3. Increase my Personal Development


4. Find a way to Never Have a Job

Utilizing this blog to it's full advantage will help me learn better. It allows for good reinforcement, and is also great practice for writing well. Hopefully this is the starting point in my plan to become more publicly visible and create some kind of value for other people. For now I will still treat this as something personal, a ground for me to work out my thoughts and such.

There is a lot of work still to do and the big picture is still as fuzzy but my gut says we are moving in the right direction. These days are filled with a hope and peace about the future. Now excuse me, it is time to get to work.

Paralyzed

I feel the fear coursing through my veins.

I feel confusion and despair spreading to every inch of my body like some black bile being released from deep within my cells. Tiny tendrils of liquid fire burning all it touches. My body betrays me. My mind is anesthetized and the sparks of thought grow dim. My jaw muscles ache, and the skin on my face feels as though it is stretching in every direction at once. Eventually it will tear and pull away from my face to reveal a vulnerable corpse, naked in fear.

Confusion reigns.

Thoughts bounce around like rubber balls in friction less space, gathering speed every time they collide with the walls I've built inside my mind, slowly drumming holes into my well-laid plans. Doubt blankets me in shadow, feeding the cycle with pieces of my sanity. Vicious. Viscous. Veracious. Tearing me apart and never letting go.

What is this pain I feel? Where has it come from?

It is within me so the only logical answer must be that I have created it. I have buried a sleeping agony into the sands of my subconscious. It releases itself like a plague as each layer of sediment is revealed. Bubbles of gaseous crimson that soak into my core and corrupt my soul. Self-doubt, self-hate, self-loathing, all stemming from one source; myself.

I desire so much.

I desire to be wise. I desire to be successful. I desire to find love. And these desires in me create a constant pain because I have not attained them. And when I do, what then? Will the pain cease? Or will these desires be replaced by others? Bars to keep me in this place. Specifically, at this point in my life, my greatest desire is placed onto the future.

I want to be a great artist. The best this world has seen. I want to create from the heart, letting skill and creativity flow like a font from my pen, splashing onto the page in the form of brilliant colors, shapes, and stories that will dazzle the eyes and capture hearts. I want to create worlds, letting them out from the expanse of my mind, releasing them into the world for others to see. I want to be able to say things in my creations that I cannot say out loud. I want to love my work, so I can love myself.

This is my dream. This is my life. This is my purpose. I can feel it in my bones.
Is this why it causes me so much pain?

The path forward is daunting. The road ahead is rough and uncertain. The obstacles in front of me seem monstrous. And the fear inside me is paralyzing.

I.
Am.
So.
Scared.

..But I cannot let it win.
I will not let it win.
I will push past it to seize each new day.
As I live, I learn.. that fear itself is nothing to fear.

#4

We are not weak, they're one to speak.
We forget that we are strong.
When we smell fear, then shift our gears
And know that they are wrong.

#3

Take heart young soul - weary though, Set pace to noble goal.
The tree of life gives forth its spice, As we search for our whole

#2

Sitting on the sideline of hard times, hoping for a sign that all will be fine.
We keep trying, blind to what binds our minds what a crime

My Inner Light

Come speak to me / Come set my mind free
To Let the shine / Out from the inside
Where life becomes mine / To love what I find
Come speak to me / Come set my mind free

Embers

At maximum velocity, we commit atrocities.
A switch thrown, a trigger pulled, a knife shown, a fuse blown.
There's no slowing the speed at which our seed will proceed
Into a world that deems our rights a mockery.

No holds barred this world is beyond barbaric.
The barbs of half-truths strangle our youth until we no longer seek proof of our own will.
Our own passions delayed, a passive mind-set conveyed,
Tragic knots of dead thoughts leaves our weakness displayed.

Until thought becomes action and our embers burn red-hot,
We cannot let a single drop of time sink into the brine of endless decline.
We must rise beyond the tides, rise beyond the lies we feed ourselves.
Lift us off the shelf, dust us off, and bid fear farewell.