I take this breath in time divine to remind my mind to leave behind
A space between each pulsing rhyme.
Find me floating here in familiar place so unfamiliar,
Resting as if in a dormant robin's nest,
Built in the cracks of an abandoned skyscraper.
Only temporary; for after a season the robin will move on,
As much as the changing weather, finding a new home and elsewhere to rest.
I find myself sitting here in my room, doing something... something... trying to find what that something is. trying to tease the answer from my subconscious, looking inside my body space where I've looked so often before, knowing that I will not, and cannot find an answer there. There is only presence, and if I seek to turn presence into purpose I will be left yearning. Being is being, and doing is doing.
So I will let myself be; and make myself choose. I choose to write here and now, I choose to stay in on this rainy night, I choose to contemplate a bit and plan for better days ahead. There is nothing wrong here, no grievous crime that could merit feelings of guilt or crime against myself. I choose.
I have all the time in the world; blessed time, blessed peace, and blessed consciousness. Freedoms and luxuries afforded to only a margin of people in this world of turmoil, but appreciated so little by so many. I myself, am just beginning to learn how. So much of it we spend on trivial things, I know. We misuse this beautiful resource afforded to us by the hard work of our predecessors, spending it not on furthering ourselves, bettering the world, nor enjoying the life around us. Instead it goes to repetitious pleasure seeking, distractions from reality, self pity, self loathing, and the self.
Imagine our lives like a beach, and time is the sand. Not difficult due to the ingrained connection between the two. As we walk slowly along the beach to the lighthouse in the distance, we can feel the sand beneath us, supporting our movements, giving us leverage. We pick up a handful, feel the warmth and grainy texture of it, smell familiarity and see the infinite possibilities. Instead of crafting castles however, we take the sand and toss into the waves, letting it wash away forever.
Is this really necessary? To a degree yes. Human beings must throw away some of their life, perhaps to be able to learn how precious it really is. It's in our nature. We are neither perfect nor obligated to use all of our time for "correct" purposes. Who is even to say what the correct purpose is? That very issue is dependent on the person and the type of life being led. For all intents and purposes, I will define wasteful activities as those that counteract the nature of the life being led.
In my life those actions consist of various things: meaningless entertainment on the internet, time spent on self-consciousness, waiting for a decision to come to me, searching for excuses, wasting a better part of a day sleeping, oh and more meaningless browsing on the internet. Hours of a day can go by, chunks at times, or a little here a little there. All because I'm not using or directing my resources in the right direction.
This is not what I want. I want to be building castles, lasting reminders to myself and those around me that I do in fact exist, and I did something substantial in my lifetime with my lifetime.